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It’s Not You, It’s Them

By Alan Weiss

I’m here to lend comfort and stop you from beating yourself up. Sometimes the prospect is damaged, is unreasonable, and is from the far side of the universe.

Move away from the Microscope, Please

I was asked by a colleague if I’d talk to one of his prospects. He didn’t want the work and couldn’t seem to convince the buyer that the latter’s approach was too “hands-on” and too structured. He thought I could talk some sense into him, if anyone could, and get him off his microscopic approach.

I agreed to talk to the buyer on the phone, and was quite frank about how I worked. He talked my ear off—he seemed to need to articulate every synapse release and cognitive spark during the conversation. But finally we agreed I’d send him a conceptual picture of how I’d approach the project, and we’d meet in person in a couple of weeks to get to know each other and decide whether or not to proceed.

I didn’t hear from him for quite some time, and finally sent an email to confirm the time and place, which was only six days away. He responded affirmatively.

Then, stunningly, he wrote a day later (this was a Thursday and we were due to meet at his office on Tuesday) that he wanted me to share with him and his people at the meeting what the programmatic aspect of the process would be: an outline, time frames, content of case studies, nature of role plays, content of visual aids, description of materials to be used, and so forth. He further stipulated that, “Although I haven’t chosen a facilitator among the candidates, I’ll need to see this.”

My response was as you might expect: That was not going to happen. I was intent on reaching agreement on objectives, measures of success, and value of the project, but I wasn’t about to share my intellectual property, commit to a structure (he was adamant about using two days, for example), or allow him to supervise my consulting intervention.

Ciao

He asked, with incredulity, if it were my plan not to allow him to see the work as I developed it, comment on it, and require revisions. As I had said to Mercedes a decade ago when they wanted me to conform to their consulting template, “I won’t tell you how to make brake pads if you won’t tell me how to consult.” I asked whether he would allow his firm’s clients to similarly design his own interventions. I also told him that my approach seemed to please Merck and Mercedes and Hewlett-Packard and Toyota, so perhaps it was worth exploring.

Moreover, I explained that in work I’ve done for another part of his own firm, my approach was exactly what was accepted. Yet he was intent on micro-managing this project, and saw consultants merely as “vendors” to perform as he instructed.

Why he even sought outside expertise was beyond me. But I estimate he’s making serious money, clearly has budget, and has apparently used this behavior repeatedly. It’s no wonder his people need help and that several of us are turning him down. This was a modest project, about $50,000, but he doesn’t have enough money to get me to work under his conditions.

Obliviousness

Some clients and buyers just don’t get it. Others are so insecure that they feel they can’t take their hands off the wheel. Still others are just plain limited. (This person was totally focused on input and times and sequences, and not nearly concerned enough about output, results, and behavior change.)

This might be easier to say than do for many of you, but trust me, you want to take your best shot at educating clients like this but, if you can’t, hit the road. They are oblivious to what they really need—they just know what the want—and that controlling nature gets worse, not better, once they send you a check. (Then, they feel they own you.)

You’re “allowed” a couple of these a year. They’re out there. Don’t do back flips or become a performing seal tooting horns or balancing a ball on your nose. Just move on. Of course, if you encounter these folks every day, it’s you and not them, and you’re not educating your buyer correctly or you’re giving off the wrong “vibes.” (I had to correct one person I was coaching—who complained that everyone wanted to negotiate his price down—because he was, guess what, immediately entering into negotiations on price!)

When I told the colleague who sent me to this guy that I had to terminate the relationship with a few emails and we parted amicably, he told me that the individual had kept him on the phone for 75 minutes trying to convince him to take the project and not walk away.

“I’m too nice,” he confessed, “and I have to learn to be more like you.”

I took that as a compliment.

Want to read more by Alan Weiss? Visit his author page.

Alan Weiss, Ph.D. is the author of twenty-six books—including Million Dollar Consulting—which appear in eight languages. He runs the unique Million Dollar Consulting™ Colleges three times a year, and has a global mentoring program. He has won dozens of writing and consulting awards and is a member of the Professional Speaking Hall of Fame®. You can reach him at www.summitconsulting.com.

Visit his blog at www.contrarianconsulting.com, where you can also get his weekly Podcast.